Bruised Eyes and Autism
by EvaineEriol
Summary: GokuxGojyo, AU. Goku can't find his words, and Gojyo can't find the missing piece in his life. I play Sanzo and Goku, my friend plays Gojyo and Hakkai. Tell me if you want the rest of the story.
1. Possible Autism?

Walking through the little hall of their apartment, Sanzo looked down at Goku's door and saw a blade of light coming out from the bottom. Sanzo then looked at his watch, and sighed. The face read 3:14 in the morning. Goku had to be awake at 6. He rapped his knuckles against the door, calling, "Hey! Goku! Time for bed!"

The boy on the bed looked up, watching the shadows move away from the foot of the door. He closed his book then turned the lamp off. The boy then settled into his bed, looking out the window. He had been thinking a lot lately. Back to when Sanzo had first found him, wandering through an abandoned monastery somewhere far away. He hadn't a name or a voice. All he really had was the clothes he had been found in, and the bruised golden irises surrounded by his corneas.

The man he had come to know as Sanzo had walked into the monastery, looking around, then saw Goku sleeping on the floor. He was able to pick up the thin little boy in his arms and carry him to a car then into the airport.

Goku had gained weight then built slight muscle. It wasn't obvious under a shirt, nor on his skin. He was simply slim. Goku's skin was a strangely toned bronze. No-one ever talked to him, because he never talked at all.

At one point, Sanzo had suggested that he speak with a counselor. And Goku went to the counselor. Little by little, the man had gotten Goku to say little bits of answers. But he and Sanzo were the only people in the world his heart knew how to trust. He needed a lot more help before he became a functional member of society.

Gojyo got out of his car, walking to the front door to his and Hakkai's house. He quietly entered the house, locking the door behind him. There was a plate of food on the table Hakkai must have made for him earlier, but he didn't feel hungry. He put the plate on the counter, deciding not to eat it. He turned and found his way to his room. He had a little too much to drink that night, but he'd made a good amount of money playing poker. He flopped on his bed, sighing. He felt empty somehow, like there was something missing. He couldn't put his finger on it, but lately it'd really been bothering him.  
"Damn." Gojyo cursed quietly, rolling on his side and trying to find some sleep.

Goku went through three classes before lunch came around, and in each class, Goku wasn't called on. He never was. The teachers knew he wouldn't talk to them.  
Goku never really ate with other children either. He ate by himself outside in the sun, or with his counselor. But usually the former.

Gojyo felt the sun on his face, opening his eyes. He yawned and sat up, wondering what time it was. The clock read 12:45. _Maybe I should bring Hakkai lunch._ He thought as he climbed out of bed, trying to ignore the headache from the previous night.

Goku usually took a lunch from home. He never trusted crowds of people. It's not like Goku was a pushover. He usually just outran the bullies. But when the fists landed, he'd start to cry. Not bawling, but silent little tears that would just plip down his face. And he would never raise a fist to fight back. He knew they'd tire and leave him.  
Goku found his way out of his trance, looking around. He wondered if his counselor was around. If he was, he'd like to eat lunch with him today.

Hakkai sat in his office, sorting and looking through paperwork. _I wonder how Goku's doing..._  
Gojyo got in his car, starting the engine and driving off to the nearest grocery store.

Goku saw Hakkai nowhere. Suddenly feeling as though someone was preying on him, he left the school, sitting by his lonesome. He loved how the sun felt on his skin. For long moments, he sat with his face turned towards the sun. When he started to feel the ebbing hunger again, he looked earthward again, deciding to eat the apple at his side. He liked his spot on the grass. It was away from prying eyes, and he knew if Hakkai wanted to talk to him, he could find him here.

_Maybe I should visit with Goku for a while._ Hakkai thought, stepping out of his office and going outside. He knew Goku better than to think that he would be in the lunchroom. "Ah, there you are, Goku!" He called, once he spotted the boy.

Gojyo pulled into the school parking lot, a bag of a variety of foods for Hakkai's lunch. _I hope he finds something he likes..._

Hearing his name, Goku looked up. Though he didn't smile when he spotted Hakkai, he didn't seem so gloomy. He waved once, then his hand went back to his apple. He wondered if Hakkai would stay a while and talk to him.

Hakkai smiled and sat beside Goku, saying, "How have you been, Goku?"

Gojyo got out of the car, carrying the bag of food. _Ugh. Schools._ He thought in disgust. His eyes wandered over the building as he wondered if he really wanted to go inside until he noticed a couple people sitting outside. _Is that him?_

Goku looked at his hands, then uttered a quiet, "Fine." He took a bite of the golden apple, and then seemed to notice its colour. He held the apple up to his cheekbone, so the crest of the apple was level with his eyes.  
"...same?"

Hakkai smiled and nodded. "Just about."  
Gojyo looked closer, approaching the school. _Yep, that's him._ He decided, recognizing Hakkai's smile.

Goku looked at the apple, then Hakkai. He rummaged through his bag with the assortment of foods, then found another apple. He was especially fond of apples. His sour green apple was a darker shade than should be, and Goku held it up to Hakkai's face, though it wasn't close enough to touch the man's skin.  
"...same?"

Hakkai chuckled in amusement. "Yes, probably." He responded with a smile.

_Who's he with?_ Gojyo wondered, starting towards the two in the grass.

Startled by the presence of a newcomer, Goku nearly dropped his apple. He retracted his arm, cradling the apple close, as though it was whimpering and crying that the one holding it had nearly let it plummet to the ground. His golden eyes flashed towards Gojyo, who was still quite a distance away, then back to Hakkai. He said nothing, and it seemed he was locked up tight again.

Hakkai noticed the tension and turned to see what was bothering Goku. "Is that... Gojyo?" He asked himself aloud with a confused blink.

Goku gently set his apple in his bag once more. He didn't like that someone new was coming to where he liked to hide away. Silently, the boy set to munching on his golden apple again, warily watching the red-haired man approach.

"Gojyo, what are you doing here?" Hakkai asked, obviously puzzled.

"That's some greeting. I was expecting more of a 'how nice of you to visit me at work, Gojyo'." Gojyo said, pretending to be offended.

Hakkai gave a confused blink.

Gojyo rolled his eyes. "I brought you lunch."

Hakkai smiled. "Thank you, Gojyo. That was very thoughtful of you."

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't get used to it."

Goku didn't like how this man spoke. He narrowed his eyes, watching how the two interacted. Though Hakkai didn't seem to mind, it was putting Goku on edge. He half-expected the man to turn and punch him in the gut.

"Of course, how rude of me." Hakkai motioned to the boy beside him, saying, "Goku, this is Gojyo. Gojyo, this is Goku."  
Gojyo smiled, waving in greeting. "Hey."

Goku's eyes became narrow slits at the movement of the hand. He watched it carefully, like a cornered animal. Seeing there was no threat, he relaxed a bit, then cast his eyes up to meet Gojyo's. The bright red he saw fascinated him, and soon his eyes went from narrow slits to wide orbs. Turning away, he looked through his bag, then found a crimson red apple. He held it up in comparison to Gojyo, then looked at Hakkai.

"...same?"

Hakkai chuckled, nodding. "That's right."  
Gojyo looked at the apple with a blink, wondering what Goku meant.

Goku set the apple beside the green one, then watched Gojyo carefully. He had to admit he was interested, but if the newcomer sat within lunging distance of him, he'd move away. The boy continued munching on his apple, keeping silent.

Gojyo handed Hakkai the bag. "I didn't know what you'd want, so I got a bunch of different stuff." He sat where he was, scowling and rubbing at his temple to soothe his headache.  
Hakkai pulled out a sammich from the bag, beginning to unwrap it.

Goku narrowed his eyes, scooting himself back a few inches. He wondered for a second if Hakkai ever talked about the students he worked with with this man. Goku noticed how Gojyo put his hand on his forehead, letting his mind travel a mile a second. Putting pieces of the puzzle together, he figured that his man, Gojyo, had drank too much alcohol the night before and was suffering the consequences.

Gojyo noticed Goku scoot back, but didn't care. He knew he didn't give the best first impressions. He sighed, his hand dropping away.  
Hakkai looked at him with raised eyebrows, giving him the "You drink too much," look.

Goku looked at Gojyo and put his fingers in his ears.

Hakkai silently ate his sammich as Gojyo looked at Goku with a blink, wondering what the younger boy was doing.

"Phonophobia." Goku said in his soft voice. He took his fingers out of his ears. He then pointed at his forehead. "Phonophobia."

"Oh." Gojyo nodded, understanding. "Okay." His hand wandered back up to his temple, trying to rid himself of the aching.

Goku looked up to the sky, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the sun once more. He wondered why he looked so different from Sanzo. He knew he was adopted, but they were practically polar opposites.  
And what about Hakkai and this man Gojyo? How did they meet?

Gojyo looked at Goku with curiosity. He couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something intriguing about this boy. Maybe it was his unique golden eyes. Those were the most beautiful eyes Gojyo had ever seen.

Goku felt his dark brown bangs run over his eyes, and he opened them in surprise. He brushed the hair away, then noticed that the man Gojyo was watching him. Goku turned his untrusting eyes away, munching on his apple. When only the core was left, Goku jammed his heel into the soft brown soil, then picked the seeds out of the apple's spine. He put them in his little hole and then covered the seeds again. When Goku found his water bottle, he gave this potential apple tree its first drink of water. He was rather pleased, but he didn't smile. To tell the truth, Goku didn't know how. Often times, when he was at home, he'd look at the mirror and try to mimic Hakkai's. But it never really worked. Something was always wrong.  
Goku hesitantly brought his gaze to Gojyo's. He wondered if this red-haired man ever smiled. If so, he hadn't yet seen it.

Gojyo's features softened, giving a friendly smile.  
Hakkai ate quietly, observing the interaction between Goku and Gojyo.

Goku narrowed his eyes, getting wary. He saw the smile, but he found it fake. Then again, Goku never really saw smiles. Only from Hakkai. And something about Hakkai was genuinely fake, though Goku never could put his finger on it.  
Goku had so many things he wanted to say to this man, so many things to ask, but Goku never could say more than a couple words, and even then only to the people he trusted. Why couldn't Goku just trust people?

Gojyo averted his gaze, saying nothing. _So he doesn't like me. It's not exactly a first, so why does it bother me? I don't even know this kid._

Goku looked to Hakkai. His face grew sad and solemn, his golden eyes looking bruised, like they had when Goku had first come to Hakkai, when Sanzo had first found him. He pointed to himself and said, "...mean?"

Hakkai shook his head. "No, Goku. You're not mean." He replied.  
Gojyo knew why Goku had asked that and felt he should say something, but stayed silent.

Goku let his hand drop and looked to the ground. He started to hum quietly, swaying. When he got nervous, or upset, he usually sang. Right now, he found he was too nervous to do even that. So he settled with humming.  
Sanzo always seemed to like listening to him sing. Sanzo also liked trying experiments with different songs. He'd have Goku hear them once, then repeat them. Uncanny was Goku's ability to hear the song once, then repeat it word for word, note for note.  
Goku then wondered about singing for Hakkai sometime. He felt his hand wander up to his neck, rubbing on the skin. His anxiety turned his cheeks a bright pink, and he could feel the heat bleeding out.

"Are you alright, Goku?" Hakkai asked with concern, looking at the boy beside him.  
Gojyo's gaze wandered back to Goku as he wondered the same thing.

Goku nodded quickly. He put his hands to his face, turning his head away in embarrassment. He knew he had never been like this before. What was causing it now? It couldn't be the man Gojyo. Why would he be the cause of it? Goku's heart was telling him the answer, but his mind didn't believe it.

Gojyo blinked, confused by Goku's behavior. _Is he embarrassed?_  
"Are you sure?" Hakkai asked, still worried.

Goku nodded faster, feeling his face turn red. Feeling an emotion like this was scaring Goku and he felt his throat tighten. A quick thought ran through his head, telling him that Sanzo was going to pick him up early today. But why did that matter?  
Even as he continued thinking about it, he could feel the bright red flare down. He cast a glance at Gojyo, then looked away just as quickly.

Gojyo wasn't sure what to say. Something was telling him that he was making Goku feel uncomfortable, but he didn't know why.

"...Hakkai." Sanzo said, approaching them. He looked at Gojyo and suddenly hated him. Sanzo didn't bother thinking about why. It's not like he'd see this red-haired man again. He looked down at Goku, who was still covering his face. "Goku. I'm here to pick you up."  
Goku looked up at Sanzo and nodded. He put his things in his bag, then stood. He bowed to Hakkai, then stared at Gojyo for long moments. He stopped only when Sanzo said, "Goku, go wait in the car."  
Goku nodded and turned without a word.

Sanzo looked down at Hakkai. "Well, have you made progress with him?"

Gojyo looked at Sanzo. He didn't know why, but his mind suddenly labeled him as "asshole"  
"He's not opening up to me." Hakkai answered with a sigh. "I'm still getting one-word answers."

Sanzo frowned even more than before, leaning back. "...do you think that maybe he has autism?" He asked after careful consideration. "Does he repeat words? Does he have trouble looking at you?"

"I've considered that, but I don't think that's the case." Hakkai answered, looking thoughtful.  
Gojyo frowned. Goku didn't strike him as someone who would be autistic.

"Then what do you think _is_ the case?" Sanzo asked, feeling like something was being kept from him. He didn't need more of that.

"I'm gonna go." Gojyo told Hakkai, feeling as though he shouldn't be intruding on this conversation. He got up and began to walk away without waiting for Hakkai to say anything in response.

Goku saw from the passenger seat that the red-haired man was leaving. He felt as though he should wave, but he doubted he'd see the man ever again.  
Goku got out of the car, leaving his bag in the seat. He wanted to walk home. And it's not like the bullies were out of school at this hour anyway.

_Where's he going?_ Gojyo wondered, noticing Goku leave the car. He wondered if he should go after him, but didn't want him to feel any more uncomfortable.

Goku put his hands in his pockets, watching the skyline. He walked along the road, singing to himself "Did you think that your feet had been bound by what gravity brings to the ground? Did you feel you were tricked by the future you picked?..."  
He liked that song. Something about it was so agreeable. Goku looked about, and saw no-one near. He figured the short way home was safe from bullies.  
As he was about to turn the corner, he heard his given nickname--and flinched.  
"Hey! Mongoloid!"  
Three rather big children ran past Gojyo, another one coming up behind Goku. He caught Goku in a hold with his arms up over his head. Goku didn't move though. Even when the punches landed, he didn't resist. Instead, he sang to himself, "...they beat him up until the teardrops start. But he can't be wounded, 'cause he's got no heart..."

Gojyo saw the fight and scowled, running over to interfere. "Let him go, you little bastards!" He snapped, furious.

The kids saw Gojyo coming, and the one holding Goku dropped him and ran away. One called over his shoulder, "We're gonna get you worse next time, Mongoloid!"

Goku sat on the ground, wiping his tears away. He really didn't want Gojyo to see him. He was ashamed enough already. Goku felt his cheek swell where one of the boys had hit him. He rubbed the sore spot, watching the red-haired man. Goku then wondered why he had bothered to help some kid he had only just met.

Goku nodded, though he didn't take Gojyo's hand or look up at him. Goku knew that Gojyo hadn't known him long enough to know that he didn't like to touch other people. He couldn't bring his gaze up because he was ashamed of himself. Sanzo always told him, "Fight back. Don't let him hurt you like this." but Goku never could raise his fist to them.  
Goku stayed on the ground, his head hanging. "...weak."

Gojyo let his hand drop away. He hadn't been expecting Goku to take it anyways. "No, you're not weak. They're the weak ones for feeling the need to bully someone who they know won't fight back just to feel better about themselves." He muttered. He had gotten his share of bullying in school, but unlike Goku, he had a sharp tongue and fought back, only getting him into more trouble.

Goku looked up at Gojyo, his golden eyes watering. "...too weak." He muttered, his head hanging once more. He let his tears drip down onto his school shirt. "...too weak." He mumbled again, pulling his legs in close to his body, as if he were protecting himself.

Gojyo's felt pained to see Goku so upset. He crouched down in front of the boy, saying softly. "Don't cry, Goku... Please don't cry." He made sure not to invade Goku's space, knowing better than to touch him.

Goku shook his head, his tears still falling. "...too weak... too weak..." He repeated, sniffling. He gripped his pants tightly, his knuckles turning white. The boy could feel all his muscles protesting at the pain radiating off his bruises. "...too weak... too weak..."

Gojyo sat down, sighing. "If you really believe that, you're letting them win." He said to Goku quietly.

Goku lifted his head, wiping his face with his sleeve. He held himself close, "Teacher. Take me to Heaven. Why make me work so hard? You know I'm slow." He quoted, rubbing his bruised golden eyes. Goku then looked at Gojyo, saying nothing.

Gojyo looked at Goku, wishing there was something he could do to make him feel better, but Goku probably didn't want to be around him anyways. _Maybe he'd feel better if I left..._

Goku could see the sympathy and pity in Gojyo's eyes. He couldn't make himself soften. And it hurt him. Goku's shoulders fell and he felt his eyelids droop. He hung his head, running his fingers through his hair. "...so much pain." He said softly, his fingers grasping his head tightly.

"Why are you in pain?" Gojyo asked softly, looking at Goku with concern.

Goku put his hand on his chest, on his heart. "So much pain... too much pain... too weak." He said, unable to look up at Gojyo. He felt ashamed. He hardly knew this man, and he was speaking more than he ever did with Hakkai, who honestly had tried his hardest for months to get him to say one word.

"You're not weak. Not at all." Gojyo said softly. He wished he could wipe the tears from those beautiful golden eyes, but he knew Goku wouldn't want be touched.

The boy looked up at Gojyo, searching his eyes for something. He didn't find what he was looking for, and he couldn't help his impulse to cry. Goku buried his face in his hands, curling in tighter. "Hurts... hurts so much..."

Gojyo stayed silent for a moment. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" He quietly asked.

Goku slowly shook his head, his fingers digging into his scalp. "...don't know... don't know..." He ran his fingers through his messy hair once more. His head shot up, hearing his name. He then saw Sanzo motioning for him to get back in the car. Frantically, Goku scrambled to his feet, starting to run over to Sanzo. He stopped, turned back and said to Gojyo, "...thank you..." Goku then turned back and ran to Sanzo. They talked a moment, then Goku got in the car. Sanzo turned and looked at Gojyo, frowning. He slid into the car, then they drove away.

Gojyo sighed, standing_. That didn't go too well. _He thought, returning to his car, starting the engine and driving off.

Goku looked out the window during the car ride, thinking about the man he had just met with the crimson red eyes.  
Goku looked to Sanzo and realized that the man must have been saying his name. "?"  
Sanzo frowned. "Jesus, Goku. Your cheek is swollen. Did that guy do that, or the bullies?"  
Goku held up two fingers.  
Sanzo ran a hand through his golden hair. "Fuck. You really need to fight back, Goku."  
Goku looked out the window again. He had heard that many times before. He figured he'd hear it more and more.

Goku skipped dinner, sitting in his room. He was never much of an artist, but he had found different little colored pencils to use. He set to drawing his dreams, focused and listening to the music flowing out of Sanzo's room.

Gojyo layed on his bed, unable to sleep. He couldn't seem to get his mind off of Goku. _Are those brats going to pick on him again tomorrow?_ He wondered with a scowl. He wasn't even sure that he would even see Goku again, so why did he care so much?

Goku looked out to the stars, looking at the moon. The moon looked so bright from here. Where he used to be, he couldn't see the moon from behind the heat and haze. Now, he wondered if Hakkai and Gojyo could see the moon from where they were. The boy then turned off his lamp and got under the sheets. He wanted to have lunch with Hakkai again tomorrow.

Gojyo looked out the window at the sky. He hoped that Goku would be alright at school the next day. He wanted him to know that he wasn't weak and he could fight back, just to defend himself. He sighed and shut his eyes, trying to sleep.

Goku awoke early in the morning as he always did. Sanzo was already gone and the sun was just starting to rise. Goku always left early so that there wasn't a chance of running into the bullies. Little did Goku know that the bullies were waiting. They were pissed that Goku had gotten out of his beating, and now they were gonna make him pay.  
Goku walked along the road, humming to himself. He was startled when one of the boys threw him to the ground. He bounced his cheek on the dirt, wincing at the sting.  
"Well, well, Mongoloid. Where's your knight with blood red hair now?"  
Goku looked up at the large boy, saying nothing.

The school bell rang and Goku limped into his class.  
"Goku! Where have you been!" The teacher exclaimed.  
Goku looked up at her, his split lip no longer bleeding. He pointed out the window.  
"Very well. Sit down."  
Goku limped to his seat, then realized he didn't have his bag. Upset, he got up again, pointing down the hall to tell the teacher he was going to see the counselor. She dismissed him and Goku limped out.

The bruised boy knocked on the door with his unharmed hand, leaning against the wall. He hoped Hakkai was in his office.

Hakkai sat at his desk, sorting through papers. _I wonder if I'll be seeing Goku today..._ Upon hearing the knock, he stood up and opened the door. "Goodness, Goku! What happened?!"  
Gojyo awoke, rubbing his eyes. He yawned and sat up, rubbing an eye. He suddenly remembered the previous day, wondering how Goku was doing.

Goku looked up at Hakkai, swaying. "...down..." He said, stumbling and nearly falling over. He had a black eye, and his lip had begun bleeding again. Goku reached out, grabbing the doorknob to steady himself.

"What on earth happened?!" Hakkai asked worriedly, motioning to a chair for Goku to sit in. "Was it the bullies again?"

Goku nodded, limping his way to the chair. He sat down, looking down at his ankle. "...rougher..." Goku mumbled, rubbing his ankle. He looked up at Hakkai with his pleading 'Please don't tell' look.

Hakkai sighed. "I can't keep covering up for this, Goku. If they don't get punished for what they're doing, they're not going to stop." He said, pulling out his first-aid kit.

"..punish them... more pain..." Goku said, running a hand through his tangy brown hair. "...don't... tell Gojyo..." He added, quieter than usual. "He... would be mad..."

Hakkai blinked in surprise. _'Don't tell Gojyo'?_ "Alright..." He answered, wondering why Gojyo would care. He handed the first-aid kit to Goku, knowing that he would probably rather clean up himself.

Goku looked to his left hand and swallowed. "...can't..." He looked to Hakkai, lifting his broken hand. "...you?"  
Goku realized he was taking a step in the right direction by letting someone touch him. But he had to admit to himself, he was a little nervous.

Hakkai was surprised that Goku was allowing him to touch him. Opening the case, he took out a cotton ball, lightly dabbing some ointment onto it. "This may hurt." He warned, pressing it to Goku's split lip.

Goku didn't react, closing his golden eyes and relaxing. His shoulders fell, trying his hardest not to pull away. He didn't want to admit to Hakkai that he was terrified. He knew that Hakkai wouldn't hurt him. But what if Gojyo dropped by, like he did yesterday? Goku didn't want to disappoint someone else.

He snapped his attention back to Hakkai, opening his eyes quickly. He looked up at his counselor, saying a quiet, "thank you."

Hakkai smiled. "You're welcome." He gently lifted Goku's hand, wrapping it in gauze.

Goku grew tense as Hakkai touched his skin. They boy reached out a hand to touch Hakkai's face, but stopped when his fingers were just inches away from the man's face. His fingers curled in and Goku's hand fell away. He couldn't do it.

"…bullies."

"What about the bullies?" Hakkai asked gently, carefully setting the bones and wrapping Goku's hand.

"…never stop…" Goku explained quietly, his gaze growing distant, though there was the illusion he was inspecting his broken hand.

_The bullies held Goku down, kicking him harshly wherever there was room. When they had had their fill of that, one grabbed Goku's hair, yanking on it so that he looked up at the three older ones._

"_Your eyes must be evil." The largest had taunted. "And you're the only one of your kind." His fingers balled into a fist, and he swung at Goku. Goku's lip split from the force. Blood dripped from his lip and down his chin, staining the dirt._

"_Y'know, you ought to thank that man for us. 'Cause-a him, we get to wail on you twice as hard." The bullies laughed cruelly, and one kicked at Goku's ribs._

_Goku's eyes went wide and he exhaled sharply as the air was forced out. He tried regaining his breath, but didn't dare give them the satisfaction of seeing him in pain._

Seemingly not noticing Goku's trance, Hakkai sighed and let go of the boy's hand. "Goku… it's okay to fight back if you're defending yourself."

"No! No, no, no, no, no!" Goku exclaimed, suddenly frantic and wide-eyed. He shook his head violently, terrified. "Never! Can't! Bad, bad, bad…!" Goku ran his fingers through his hair, a habit he had developed.

"But you can't keep letting them hurt you, Goku."

Goku found himself crying, his whole body shaking with tremors. "No… no, dun wanna…" He said with pitiful sobs choking his plea. "…dun wanna hurt…" Goku lifted his head, looking pathetic.

Hakkai grew sympathetic. "I know, Goku." He said softly. "It's not wrong to defend yourself, though."

"… don't understand…" Goku shook his head, sniffling. "I… dun wanna hurt… bullies." The boy hung his head, feeling his body throb with pain as he continued to shake.

"Goku, if they think you're not going to try to stop them, they won't stop."

"…I'll die?" Goku asked after a long pause. Sooner or later, the bullies would beat him to a bloody pulp and leave him where he was. And when that day comes, if it does, who would _really_ miss Goku?

"No, you won't die." Hakkai answered with a frown, shaking his head.

Gojyo walked into the kitchen, looking in the fridge for something to eat._ I hope that kid learns to defend himself._ He thought, grabbing a beer. Gojyo then sat at the kitchen table, opening the can and taking a drink. _I should visit Hakkai at work again today._

Gojyo thought about it more then arose from his seat. He left the beer on the table and went out the door.

Gojyo got in his car, driving to the school. He was determined to see Goku. He didn't know why, but he was going to find out. Gojyo pulled into the school parking lot, getting out and slamming the door shut. He walked into the school, hoping he correctly remembered where Hakkai's office was. He found his way to Hakkai's office, but heard him speaking and figured he was busy. He leaned against the wall next to the door, waiting. He watched the students walk by, crossing his arms in discomfort. He had forgotten how much he hated high schools. Gojyo wondered if Hakkai was with Goku, and if not, where Goku was.

"Then what?" Goku asked, covering his bruised eye socket with one hand. He shifted in his seat, feeling as if someone was nearby, other than Hakkai.

"Then… they'll keep bullying you."

Gojyo shifted in discomfort, wondering if it was a good idea to come.

Goku looked to the door, his eyes narrow. He pointed at the door as a way of saying 'Someone's there.' They boy stood, limping to 'his' corner of the room, sitting on the pillow that was set there.

Hakkai glanced at the door, getting up and opening it. Seeing no-one was there, he peeked around the corner. "Gojyo? What are you doing here?" He asked, surprised.

"Just visiting you at work." Gojyo thinly lied, shrugging.

"Well, I'm a little busy at the moment…"

Goku's head perked up, hearing Gojyo. He wondered what the man was doing here. He was about to get up to greet him when he remembered his wounds. Afraid of how Gojyo would react, Goku shrank deeper into the shadows.

"Alright. Well, I'll see you later, then." Gojyo said to Hakkai, turning to leave.

"Bye, Gojyo. Sorry about this."

Gojyo sighed. He had to admit that he was disappointed that he wouldn't be able to see Goku. He quickly exited the building, walking a good distance away from the school before settling in the grass. Gojyo lit a cigarette and held it between his lips, inhaling deeply. _I should probably just accept that I'm never going to see that kid again._

Goku had looked out of his corner to see Gojyo's back. How badly he wanted to see the red-eyed man, but he couldn't let Gojyo see that he had lost to the bullies again.

Goku looked to Hakkai now. He stood up and limped to him, feeling as low as dirt. He was silent for long moments as usual, then quietly asked, "I… stay with you… tonight?"

Hakkai blinked, startled by Goku's question. "At my house?"

Goku nodded. "Sanzo… gone. Long time." He didn't want to be home alone again. Especially when the bullies were meaner than ever.

Hakkai thought for a moment. "Well… alright. I'm sure Gojyo would be fine with it."

"Gojyo??" Goku repeated. He didn't know his counselor lived with him!

Hakkai nodded. "Yes. We've been roommates for a few years now."

Goku ran a hand though his hair, thoroughly surprised. Seems like he _would _see Gojyo again.

Gojyo lay asleep in his bed. He had returned home hours ago and had nothing better to do but sleep.

Hakkai walked into the apartment, holding the door open for Gou. "We've an extra room you can use."

Goku looked about for the spare room. He went to the one with the open door. He set his bag on the bed and sat. Suddenly, he felt weariness wash over him like a wave crashing on the beach. Before he could stop himself, he found he was fast asleep.

A few hours later, Gojyo sat on the couch, watching T.V. and completely unaware of their visitor. Hakkai had gone to bed before he could tell him.

When Goku awoke, the stars shone frostily overhead. He looked about, then left the room quietly. He had changed from his school uniform to his pajamas, and was now going to the refrigerator.

Gojyo flipped though the channels, finding nothing that caught his interest. He pulled a blanket over his shoulders, somewhat cold in only his pajama pants.

Goku found a plate of rice. Plain, white rice. He looked up and saw Gojyo on the couch. Nervous, Goku skirted around him and disappeared into the room once more, closing the door behind him.

Gojyo looked up, thinking that he head someone. He shrugged it off, and shifted his attention back to the T.V., deciding he had imagined it.

Goku facepalm'd himself for forgetting what he had originally left the room for—ice, for his eye. He quietly opened the door, then went to the freezer, covering the ice cubes with a towel. The boy looked over his shoulder to make sure Gojyo hadn't seen or heard him.

Gojyo looked to the kitchen, sure that he heard something that time. Noticing Goku, he blinked, wondering if he was seeing right. "…Goku?" He asked with a confused frown.

Goku didn't answer. He picked up the towel then pointed to it, indicating that's what he was there for. He hoped Gojyo couldn't see his black eye from there.

Gojyo blinked, still in shock. "Wh-What're you doing here?"

Goku pointed towards Hakkai's room.

Gojyo looked at Goku for a moment longer before asking, "Is that a black eye?"

Goku froze. He wanted to shake his head no, but the was a very bad liar. So instead, he hung his head and nodded miserably.

Gojyo stood and walked to Goku to get a closer look. He sighed, saying softly, "I'm sorry, Goku. This's my fault, isn't it?"

Goku looked up at Gojyo, turning pink at the sight of the man's torso. To clear his thoughts, he shrugged, as if saying 'Yes and no.'

"I'm sorry, Goku." Gojyo repeated, feeling guilty. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

Goku nodded, Quietly and pitifully, he mumbled, "Hurt everywhere." His unharmed hand rubbed his arm gently while he turned his ashamed gaze away.

Gojyo looked at Goku with guilty and sympathetic eyes. "When did they do this to you?" He asked softly.

"Morning." The boy answered, able to set the ice on his eye now. He saw the way the man looked at him, and he found it strangely comforting.

Gojyo thought for a moment. "Well… do you want me to walk you to school so they don't do that again?"

Goku shrugged. He didn't want to impose on what Gojyo may have planned for the next day. Goku's golden iris watched Gojyo and it made Goku turn pink when he took note of the man's shirtlessness.

"Don't worry. I don't have anything to do tomorrow." Gojyo chuckled, guessing Goku's thoughts.

Goku looked up at Gojyo with shining eyes. Then, the boy bowed his head in thanks. When he looked up at the man again, his hand barely brushed against the other's as he passed and said a soft 'good night'.

Gojyo watched Goku as he walked away, then turned and went into his own room. He sighed, collapsing on his bed.

Goku curled up on top of his bed, thinking about walking to school tomorrow with Gojyo. Would the bullies dare come after him?

But the larger he thought about it, the more he realized he was thinking about Gojyo. Was that weird to do?

Goku's getting bullied and I only made things worse. Gojyo thought, pulling the covers over himself and trying to catch some sleep.

Goku found himself fast asleep on the bed, curled in tight to protect him dream-world from everything outside of it. His ankle throbbed and his ribs burned, but Goku hardly cared. Tomorrow, Gojyo was going to walk him to school and everything would be fine.

Gojyo silently hoped that him walking with Goku would make the bullies back off. He yawned and closed his eyes, quickly falling asleep.

When the morning came about, Goku had been awake a while, making breakfast for the three of them. The boy then sat at the table and rested his head on top of it. He decided it'd be okay for a little nap.

Gojyo walked into the kitchen, smelling something yummy. "You made breakfast?" He asked Goku as he grabbed a plate.

Goku made no reply, sleeping softly with his head on the table.

Gojyo chuckled quietly, sitting at the table across from Goku. He smiled, watching him sleep as he ate his breakfast. _What a cute face._

Goku didn't move, though he heard the clinks of silverware. Gradually, he opened his golden eyes, looking around sleepily. He noticed Gojyo eating and asked drowsily, "…like?"

Gojyo grinned and nodded. "It's great."

Goku huffed in what might have been amusement. He lifted his head, examining his bandaged hand. Gojyo smelt like stale cigarette smoke and Goku wondered if the man had a nicotine addiction.

"I think Hakkai already left for work." Gojyo said to Goku, taking another bite.

The boy nodded, yawning largely with his jaws wide open. Goku rose from his chair, going to the bathroom to change and brush his teeth, but out of habit Goku left the door open.

Gojyo stood and put his empty plate in the sink. "Do you wanna walk to school or do you want me to drive?" He called to Goku.

Goku pulled his belt through the loops, getting his toothbrush out of his mouth. "Walk." He called, fastening the belt buckle. Goku looked at his stomach, seeing that he was still underweight.

"Alright." Gojyo replied as he walked to his room, passing the bathroom on the way and trying not to allow his eyes to wander.

Goku tried to brush his hair and managed to get some of it tamed. It drooped down like it did on humid days, and Goku was a little annoyed by it, but didn't do anything about it. He fussed over his belt not being small enough for his skinny frame, trying to get it to hold his pants up properly. With the toothbrush still hanging from the corner of his mouth, Goku stepped out of the bathroom, looking for another belt of his.

Gojyo grabbed his jacket and left his room, looking at Goku briefly before going back into the kitchen.

Goku found a new belt, fastening it tightly. He rubbed at his belly, wondering why he couldn't seem to get to his proper weight. The boy went back to the bathroom, finishing brushing his teeth. He hummed to himself, swaying his hips to the tempo of the song in his head. He went back to his room to clothe his torso, not at all minding Gojyo's glance.

_Damn. Why was it so hard to take my eyes off him...? _Gojyo wondered with a frown as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, deciding it would be best to not drink alcohol around Goku.

Goku loosely fastened his tie, not really caring about it as usual. The boy left his room, looking to Gojyo. He had his bag slung over his shoulder and his shoes were on. Without a word, Goku went to the door and opened it. He looked over his shoulder, waiting to see if Gojyo would follow.

Gojyo followed after Goku. "You have everything you need?" He asked, looking at the younger boy with a slight smile.

Goku nodded, though he didn't return the smile. He felt like a dick to not smile back, but he knew he couldn't do it.  
Goku walked out the door into the grey morning fog and inhaled the air. Smells of wet grass and moist soil were in the air, and Goku let the breath out slowly. He walked to the sidewalk, then waited for Gojyo to lock the door.

Gojyo stepped out of the apartment, closing and locking the door behind him. He yawned, not used to being awake so early unless he hadn't gone to sleep at all.

Goku looked apologetically to Gojyo, lowering his gaze to his feet. He led Gojyo along the path to school, saying nothing.

Gojyo followed after Goku, guessing what he was thinking. "Don't worry about it. I shouldn't be sleeping in so late anyways. It'll do me good to not be as lazy." He told him after catching up.

Goku kept his gaze down, feeling submissive in the man's presence. He cast a glance up at Gojyo, then looked away just as quickly. Shame and anxiety aren't good emotions to mix.

Gojyo looked at Goku, saying with a chuckle, "It's okay, I don't bite."

Goku turned bright pink, keeping his gaze down. He felt the heat bleed from his cheeks again, and felt the temptation to cover his face with his hands. He didn't, but he made sure his eyes were trained on the ground.

Gojyo said nothing, wondering if he had only made things worse. _He's pretty red... must've embarrassed him._

Goku said nothing still, but his hand held onto Gojyo's jacket, as if he were a child being led. It was Goku's way of saying he trusted him. This way, Goku didn't have to _touch_ him, but he still had physical contact.

Gojyo hid his surprise, continuing down the sidewalk. _Well... maybe he'll start to trust me a little more now._

Goku suddenly grew tense. He felt the presence of one of the bullies near by and his grip on Gojyo's jacket tightened into a fierce grip. He stepped closer to the man, looking around warily.

"Are you okay?" Gojyo asked softly, getting worried. He inspected his surroundings, thinking that he had heard something.

Goku looked up at Gojyo and nodded though his body was shaking terribly. He knew that the boy was tracking them in the shadows, and that they'd be at the school entrance once they arrived.

"I won't let them hurt you, okay?" Gojyo said to Goku softly, angry at the bullies for causing Goku so much fear.

Goku looked up at Gojyo and nodded, though he couldn't find it in his heart to believe him. "...after school?" He asked softly, his golden eyes wavering.

"I'll come to pick you up." Gojyo promised, looking into Goku's beautiful golden eyes.

Goku nodded, his grip loosening then dropping away. He looked at the school ahead of them, then to Gojyo. Goku bowed his head in thanks to Gojyo, then turned to the school.

"See you after school." Gojyo said to Goku as he watched as the boy walk away.

Goku looked around nervously then bolted into the school.

Hours later Goku sat outside the school, his chin rested in his palm. He looked around bleakly, feeling sore from the rough-up he received from the bullies. Goku planned on concealing it from Gojyo, so that the man didn't have to feel sorry for him. He looked up at the sun, basking the warmth for a little while longer.

Gojyo pulled into the school parking lot, getting out and walking to Goku. "Hey." He greeted with a smile. "I hope you weren't waiting long."

Goku looked up and shook his head. He stood, brushing his pants off. He looked at Gojyo, bowing in head in thanks for picking him up. He went to the car, opening the door and sliding in.

Gojyo got in the car, backing out and driving off. "How was school? You didn't get any bully trouble, did you?"

Goku shrugged. "Little." He admitted, looking out the window. He lowered the glass pane, letting the wind rush past his face.

"Damn brats." Gojyo muttered with a scowl.

Goku said nothing, sticking his face out the window. The sun and wind on his face was one of Goku's favourite sensations. He folded his arms over the side of the car, resting his chin on his folded arms.

"Are you hungry?"

Goku nodded but he pointed at his bag soon after. "Food." He said, keeping his head out the window, letting the wind play with his dark brown hair.

Gojyo pulled into the parking spot in front of the apartment. He got out of the car and closed the door, waiting for Goku.

Goku unbuckled himself, getting out of the car. He walked to the apartment door without a word, waiting for Gojyo to unlock the door. He was tense and uneasy once again, looking around for strangers. Of course, being in a new neighborhood, he didn't recognize anyone.

Gojyo followed after Goku, unlocking and opening the door. "Hakkai should be home in a few hours. He's got work to do." He said, waiting for Goku to go inside before he entered.

Goku walked inside, going to his room. He set his bag down, then went to the closet. The boy found his spare clothes, walking across his room. He knew that Gojyo wouldn't care if he changed clothes, and to tell the truth he saw nothing wrong with leaving the room open, so as he paced, he took off his shirt, pulling the 'street' shirt over his head and smoothed it out.

Gojyo opened the fridge door, looking for something to eat. "What do you feel like eating?" He called to Goku.

Goku would have shrugged, but he knew Gojyo wouldn't see him. He pulled his pants on, walking from the room. He fastened his belt through the loops, standing behind Gojyo and observing the fridge's contents. Goku waited until Gojyo noticed him before he would shrug.

Gojyo glanced behind him at Goku, stepping to the side so that he could see the fridge better.

Goku shrugged upon inspecting the fridge. He pulled the belt as far as it would go and his pants still fell a little. Goku was a little irked by that, but he didn't say anything about it, or even think about it.

He went to the couch, sitting down. He turned on the T.V., finding the Discovery Channel.

Gojyo blinked, realizing that he was staring at Goku. He brought his gaze back to the fridge, asking "No preferences?"

Goku shook his head no, hardly caring if Gojyo saw or not. He turned the volume down on the television so only the ones on the couch could hear it. He lay back, watching the screen with great interest.

Gojyo took out some leftover chicken and rice from the fridge, putting it in the oven to warm. He crossed his arms and kept his eyes on the T.V. screen, not allowing them to wander.

Goku's eyes traveled the screen, observing every image. This week was Myth Busters, and Goku liked to watch them experiment. He liked everything on Discovery Channel except for Shark Week. Something about sharks terrified him. If he knew the word, he'd know his phobia.

He heard the burner turn on in the kitchen behind him and vaguely wondered what Gojyo was cooking.

Minutes later, Gojyo pulled out the food, serving it onto two plates and bringing them both to the couch. He sat beside Goku, being sure to give him his space, and handing one plate to him.

Goku took the plate offered to him, silently thanking Gojyo for giving him his space. He watched the T.V., thinking about everything they said, predicting whether or not it would work. Beside him, he had a dry erase board and the marker to go with it. He wondered if Gojyo had noticed it.

Gojyo glanced at the dry erase board, wondering what it was for, but saying nothing. He took a bite of his rice, watching what was on T.V.

Goku set the bowl on the table to the side of the couch, then picked up the dry erase board. He pulled the cap off the marker and wrote on the board. When he finished, he presented Gojyo with a dry erase board that said "_This is how I try and communicate with Sanzo_."

"Ah." Gojyo nodded, now understanding. He guessed that Sanzo was the man that had picked him up from school a few days ago.

Goku nodded, erasing what he had wrote and set the board in between them with the marker on top. Goku then leaned forward to grab his bowl again, munching on his rice rather cheerily.

Gojyo took a bite of his chicken, feeling somewhat guilty that he didn't have much to entertain Goku with.

Goku watched the screen, almost entirely absorbed into it. When he pulled himself away, he set the bowl in his lap and picked up the board again.

"_There is going to be a play that my class is doing."_

"Do you want to be in it?" Gojyo asked, looking at Goku.

Goku thought about the question, then erased his words. He wrote again, making sure not to smear with his palm.

"_I want to interact with the others."_

Gojyo smiled softly. "Why don't you ask the teacher to give you a part?"

Goku shrugged, erased. He wrote lighter when he heard the marker squeak.

"_The teacher doesn't like me. She thinks that I belong in a school for the mentally challenged and that I'm a nuisance when I come to class late."_

Gojyo frowned. "Well, your teacher's stupid. What's the play going to be?"

"_It's based off of ideas from the students. She's going to take the best idea and make it the play. Even though I read at a higher level than the rest of the students, and write better essays, I have no doubt she will pass mine anyway."_

Goku sighed, then showed Gojyo the board.

Gojyo looked at Goku sympathetically. "Do you think it would help if Hakkai talked to her?"

Goku shrugged, clearing the board.

"_I doubt it. She's prejudiced against me. Why, I don't know. Could be anything. My 'autism', my eye colour, my weight. Who knows. But, I suppose Hakkai could try."_

Gojyo sighed. "Well, don't worry about that know-nothing moron." He said to Goku. "There's no reason she shouldn't like you."

Goku blinked in surprise. He had never heard that before. He erased his words then wrote "_What makes you say that?_"

Gojyo shrugged. "Well... I've never met anyone like you before. You're not mean, you're not selfish or fake. You're just... you." He smiled. "And I like that."

Goku blinked once more. "_You don't find me strange, or out-of-place? Secluded or hidden?_"

Gojyo shook his head. "You are different. But not in a bad way. It's good to not be like everyone else."

"_I was taught that uniformity is what everyone strives for. But I was also taught by others that I can't become part of normal society."_

Goku looked to Gojyo, wondering what he really thought.

Gojyo sighed, looking thoughtful. "Sometimes people will confuse you like that. That's why a lot of the times, all that matters is what you teach yourself."

"_How can I teach myself when I hardly know anything?_" Goku wrote, considered erasing it, then showed it to Gojyo.

"Goku, you're not a stupid kid." Gojyo said to Goku with a smile. "And I'll be here if you ever need help."

"_Why? You only just met me, and already you're willing to do something like that?_"

"Well... You remind me a little bit of myself when I was in school. I got bullied too. They didn't like my hair and eyes. Plus, I was kind of asking for it. I was pretty cocky." Gojyo chuckled. "And to be honest... I really like you." He admitted with an embarrassed shrug.

Goku turned bright pink, his eyes widening. To be honest, he never really thought about infatuation. He had never found anyone who talked to him. But now... his brain was listening to his heart.

Goku erased his words and rewrote, "You _like_ me?"

Gojyo turned slightly red as well and nodded, unsure of what to say.

"Why?" Goku asked, putting the board aside.

"Like I said, you're not like anyone I've met before. I feel like... I don't have to pretend to be someone else around you."

Goku looked down at his white board, bright pink at this new information. His golden eyes looked around, thinking about all of this. From what he could tell, Gojyo definitely knew his way through relationships. He cast his eyes towards Gojyo, saying nothing.

Gojyo looked at Goku with a soft smile. With Goku looking so cute, he had to hold back the urge to kiss him, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

Goku felt his eyelids droop, watching Gojyo's body movement. Suddenly, Goku had the feeling that he should test Gojyo secretly.

He turned to the white board, writing down _"Does anything I do make you uncomfortable?"_

Gojyo shook his head. "No. I'm just worried about making you feel uncomfortable..."

Goku frowned. He used his sleeve to erase the previous words. Thinking about his next question, he finally ended with "_How do you mean?_"

"Well..." Gojyo thought about how to phrase it. "I know you don't like being touched..." He stopped, getting embarrassed again.

Goku narrowed his eyes. He cleared the board with his sleeve, and then wrote rather quickly, "_Unfamiliar hands will not come near me._"

"I know, I know." Gojyo sighed, averting his gaze.

Goku frowned.

_"You seem disappointed_."

"Do I?" Gojyo shrugged. "I was guessing as much."

Goku tilted his head. "Expected...?" He asked, setting the board on his lap.

Gojyo nodded. "So I'm not surprised."

"_You were expecting more once the relationship between us strengthens though, am I right?"_ Goku wrote, presenting Gojyo with the board.

"Honestly... I wasn't sure that you wanted a relationship." Gojyo admitted.

_"... You mean a romantic relationship?_"

Gojyo hesitated and then nodded, shyly keeping his gaze away as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

Goku made a face, like he was thinking.

_"You seem troubled to find you're homosexual."_

Gojyo blinked in surprise at Goku's bluntness. _This kid doesn't beat around the bush... _"I... I dunno. I guess that and I'm not sure that you like me..." He admitted.

"_I hardly know you. I don't know anything about you, except that you used to be bullied as well."_ Goku wrote then set it on the couch between them. He leaned forward and grabbed his rice, deciding to eat it before it got cold.

Gojyo resumed eating, saying nothing. The awkward silence was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable, but he didn't know what to say.

Goku knew that he found himself attracted to the red-haired man as well. He bit his bottom lip, then picked up the board and moved it aside. Quietly, Goku moved from one end of the couch to practically next to Gojyo. He said nothing and wouldn't even glance at him, watching the Myth Busters try and reenact setting gasoline aflame with a cigarette.

Gojyo blinked in surprise, looking at Goku and then back to the TV. It made him happy that Goku was sitting closer to him, but he wondered if Goku was doing it because he wanted to or to make him feel better.

Goku glanced at Gojyo, his golden eyes shining. He looked back to the T.V., and he yawned. He stretched forward, then rested his chin on his palm.

Gojyo finished his food and set the plate on the coffee table in front of him. "Tired?" He asked Goku.

Goku snoozed softly, his eyes closed. He held his head up barely, his heavy head tilting to the side as he slept. As habit, Goku slept when he came home. He found sleeping erased all feelings, so by sleeping, he no longer felt lonely.

Gojyo smiled, looking at Goku. _He's so cute,_ he thought with a chuckle. He yawned, beginning to get sleepy himself. He leaned his head on the armrest, closing his eyes and shortly after, falling asleep.

Goku flicked one eye open, gazing over at the man. He sat up, looking to the T.V. He picked up the remote and turned off the television. Goku then looked back to Gojyo, looking over his features. He stood up, walking off to find a blanket. When he found one, he laid it over the sleeping man. He bent down, leaning close to give the man a kiss, stopped, and pulled away. Goku didn't want that. Not yet at least. He turned and walked into his room, closing it partially.

Gojyo snuggled close into the blanket, curling up in a ball. He slept soundly, slowly breathing in and out.

As the hours passed, Goku spent them in his room, writing in a black, leather-bound book. He kept a candle burning on the bed-side table. The boy looked out to the night sky, then back to his journal. He idly wondered if Hakkai was home, and if Gojyo was awake.

Gojyo yawned, waking up. He sat up, wondering what time it was and where the blanket came from. _I'm still pretty tired... _He thought, getting up and walking to his room.

Goku looked out to the moonlight. He knew that no-one was awake, so he figured it was time he returned home.

After everything was packed up, Goku put his jacket on, then walked out of his room. He noticed that Gojyo's door was open. Goku crouched, waiting to see if the light would turn off or if the man would close the door. He didn't want Gojyo to know that he was leaving to go home to Sanzo.

Gojyo walked to his dresser, taking out a pair of pajamas from the drawer. He slipped out of his pants and into the pajama pants, yawning again.

Goku narrowed his eyes, peering into the dark. He didn't see any noticeable change in the room, so he remained where he was.

Gojyo walked to the door to close it and noticed Goku. He blinked in confusion, asking, "What are you doing?"

Goku sighed, standing up. He went to the front door and pointed.

"You're... leaving?" Gojyo asked quietly. He didn't want Goku to leave him.

Goku nodded. "Sanzo… home." He said in his soft tone. If he was gone any longer, Sanzo would be furious.

Gojyo was silent for a moment. He knew he would miss Goku if he left and who knows when he would next see him. "Do you need a ride home?" He finally asked.

Goku shrugged. "Too painful... for you?" He asked, quieter than ever. He tried to lift his gaze but found the task damn near impossible. He kept his eyes trained on his feet, ramming his hands in his pockets.

Gojyo smiled somewhat sadly. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." He thinly lied, shrugging it off.

Goku narrowed his eyes. He could see the lie hiding within the smile. Though, the boy said nothing about it, he turned and went to the front door, making sure to grab his white board and marker.

Gojyo watched Goku, asking softly, "Can I take you home?"

Goku stopped at the front door, his hand on the doorknob. His brain had done the math, and he knew that letting the man take him home would probably hurt him a lot. Goku's hand slid off the doorknob. He looked over his shoulder to Gojyo, saying nothing.

"...please?" Gojyo asked quietly, looking pleading.

Goku turned his head away. He sighed, then nodded. He unlocked the door quietly, then opened the door wide so Gojyo could follow him out.

"Thank you." Gojyo said as he followed after Goku, grabbing his car keys from the table before leaving the apartment. He unlocked the car, getting inside.

Goku slid inside the car, turning on the little light beside the "oh shit" handle. He uncapped his marker and wrote on the board, "_You're not going to be okay, are you_?"

Gojyo started the car, pulling out of the parking space. "I guess I'm about to find out." He finally answered.

He looked down to the board, clearing it then putting it in his bag. Goku leaned towards the window, watching the stars as they drove.

"You're gonna need to tell me where to go."

Goku sat up, turning the light off. He glanced around then pointed to a street then pointed to the right.

Gojyo looked at the road, turning right. "Will you be okay walking to school tomorrow?"

Goku shrugged. He really couldn't say. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't. As they drove on, Goku pointed to an exit sign. The exit would take them out of the larger, busier part of town and off towards the farmland.

Gojyo sighed. He really didn't want Goku to get hurt again. He said nothing though, driving out the exit.

Goku let them drive until a house with the lights on came into view. Goku pointed to the house, then grabbed his bag, ready to get out of the car.

Gojyo stopped at the house, looking at Goku. "See you later." He said with a smile.

Goku opened the door to get out, stopped, then looked back to Gojyo. He leaned forward, stopping only when his face nearly touched Gojyo's, his lips barely brushing the man's. He stayed there a moment, then pulled away and got out of the car. He walked up to the door, opened the door and disappeared inside without a word.

Gojyo sat frozen in his seat, stunned. _...did I imagine that?_ He wondered in shock. He blinked, realizing he had been touching his lips. With a smile, he turned the car around and drove off.

When Goku heard the car drive away, he slid down the door, his heart racing. He fingered his lips, wondering why he didn't go all the way like he had wanted to. The boy gave a lengthy sigh, his head bumping against the door.


	2. A Nightmare Drives You Closer

Goku went to school early as always, and found no bullies.

Goku did give the teacher his story, but she gave him a foul look as she passed. Goku said nothing, as always, then looked into the distance, thinking of the 36 dimensions that humans live in, and what they may look like.

As lunchtime came, Goku was in his spot, eating by himself, facing the sun.

Gojyo, who had gotten himself up earlier than usual, pulled into the school parking lot, getting out of the car. Remembering that Goku was eating outside when he met him, he looked around for the boy he had driven home the day before.

Goku heard a car engine and looked up. He noticed the car that had come in, and recognized it immediately. He didn't wave or make an attempt to move. Like a cat, he was too content to sit in the sun, absorbing its warmth. Besides, Gojyo would eventually see him.

Spotting Goku, Gojyo walked to him. "Hey." He greeted with a smile when he got closer.

Goku looked up, blinking in acknowledgement. He yawned, opening his jaws wide and sticking out his tongue. When he finished, he looked up at Gojyo, saying nothing still. He wondered what Gojyo thought about the night before.

Gojyo sat beside Goku, making sure to give him his space. "Any trouble from bullies today?"

Goku shook his head no, tilting his head towards the sun. He liked to sit in the sun. Also, he wasn't done testing Gojyo.

"Good." Gojyo smiled, glad to hear this.

Goku said nothing, not even glancing at the man. He wondered if Gojyo would dare come closer. He wouldn't mind, depending on how much closer he got. Also, Goku wondered if Gojyo had been frustrated that Goku had hardly made a move.

Gojyo noted the silence, getting curious. "What are you thinking about?"

Goku lifted a lazy hand and pointed to the sun, then to Gojyo.

Gojyo nodded, looking to the sky. "How's your day been so far?" He asked, his gaze wandering back to Goku.

Goku felt Gojyo's gaze drift back to him and he huffed in amusement. _Seems like you can't keep your eyes off, Gojyo. _

Goku shrugged. "Okay." He replied bleakly, soaking in the sun's warmth.

Gojyo couldn't stop himself from staring into Goku's golden eyes. "Your eyes..." He blinked, amazed at their unique colour.

Goku's eyes worriedly flicked to Gojyo, frightened. He thought that maybe Gojyo didn't like the colour of his eyes. Maybe he despised him for it.

"...They're so amazing." Gojyo finished with a smile. "I've never seen anything like it."

Goku's cheeks flushed bright pink and he lowered his eyes. How could his eyes be amazing?

"Awww." Gojyo pouted. "Now I can't see your pretty eyes."

Goku turned his head away, once again, trying for a reaction.

"Heeey!" Gojyo protested, frowning. "Now I can't even see your cute face!"

Goku's face turned a red matching Gojyo's hair. He didn't want to face Gojyo, but he did at the same time. His fingers picked at the hems of his pants, wondering what to do.

"Don't make me come over there." Gojyo said in a playfully warning tone with a grin.

Goku huffed in silent amusement_. And just what will you do once you find you're here?_

The boy didn't make an effort to turn back to Gojyo.

"Alright, you're just asking for it now." Gojyo crawled over to Goku's other side, grinning widely. He leaned his face close to Goku's and pressed his lips against Goku's and giving him a slow, soft kiss. He lifted his hand, brushing his fingertips lightly against the boy's cheek.

Goku felt electricity surge through him at the touch of another human being. Only twice in his life had he been touched before. When Sanzo had taken him from his life of nothing, and when Hakkai had bandaged his hand. But now. Now this was something different. Goku felt his body slump into a relaxed heap and soon his eyes closed, letting this man touch him.

Gojyo had never felt this feeling before. Not with anyone. He didn't know what to call it but it was though everything was right. He cupped Goku's cheek (face) with one hand, using the other to lightly run his fingers through the boy's hair. He kissed Goku tenderly, trying to control that feeling.

Goku fell forward, his body leaning on the red-haired man's. He shivered, pink goosebumps traveling over his skin. His hands were itching for something to hold onto, not just the grass and dirt. But his whole body was numb with sensitivity.

"Mmmm." Gojyo purred softly, his fingertips running down Goku's back.

The boy that Gojyo now had complete control over was no longer moving. He was trapped in the cyclone of sensations. He moved with the man's fingers, pulling away from the soft kiss when his breath hitched in his throat.

Gojyo nuzzled his cheek against Goku's, wondering what he thought of the kiss. His fingertips continued to softly run up and down Goku's back.

Feeling coaxed softly into sleep, Goku rested his body on Gojyo's, remaining inept. The warmth that seeped through him was comforting, better than any blanket or heater. It was unique and breathing.

Gojyo stayed where he was, rubbing Goku's back. By the lack of movement, he guessed that Goku was sleeping.

Light breathing. In and out. Goku felt his arms snake around the man's waist, holding his especially warm pillow close. His face nuzzled into Gojyo's navel, and a deep sigh came out. Right now, he felt like he could die happily.

Gojyo smiled, rubbing Goku's back. He looked back at the school, wondering what time he had to go back to class. He didn't want this moment to end yet...

He lay asleep in the older man's lap, breathing deeply. Goku found that he always slept soundly with Gojyo around. But now. He had let Gojyo get this far. How much farther would this man coax him into going?

Gojyo ran his fingers through Goku's soft hair, watching the younger boy as he slept. _Oh well. He can go back when he wakes up._

Goku slept for at least another half hour. But then, as his sleep progressed, his breathing sped up and he began to twitch. His legs kicked and his shoulder convulsed. He couldn't believe he was having a nightmare at a peaceful moment like this.

Startled, Gojyo looked at the younger boy with concern. "Goku..." He said softly, gently shaking Goku's shoulders. "Goku, wake up."

"N--" Goku groaned, tensing. He stopped his twitching, but his breathing didn't slow. The boy couldn't escape the dream. It was like it had a vice-grip on his consciousness. He knew he wouldn't remember the dream once he woke up. He never did.

"Goku!" Gojyo said more firmly, getting worried.

Goku shot awake, panting. His golden eyes were wide in alarm and he looked around frantically. When his eyes laid on Gojyo, he froze for a heartbeat and then sighed, resting against the man's chest once more. He didn't realize it, but his hand was holding as tightly as it could onto Gojyo's shirt.

"Are you alright?" Gojyo asked softly, rubbing Goku's back comfortingly.

Goku sat up, running a hand through his hair. He nodded, yawning. He looked to Gojyo, and then pointed to his wrist.

"Do you have to go to class?" Gojyo asked, brushing the hair from Goku's eyes.

The boy nodded. "Teacher mad." He said, running his hand through his hair still.

"Alright." Gojyo said with a slight smile. "I guess I'll see you later then."

He nodded, leaning forward. Once again, he lost the courage for a full kiss, his lips straying away from Gojyo's. Instead, he pressed his lips against the man's cheek lightly, then stood and ran into the school. He knew his teacher was about to throw a fit.

Gojyo sighed, standing up and walking to his car. _I hope he's okay like he says he is..._ He thought as he got inside and started the engine.

Goku came home, closing the door softly behind him. He knew Sanzo was home. He could hear the shower running. The boy took off his shoes, placing them by the doormat. His sides were hurting, but the fresh bruise on his cheek wasn't throbbing anymore. Goku got the icepack from the freezer and went into his room.

He found that his leather notebook had been moved. He wondered if Sanzo had read it. Goku then laid on his bed, putting the icepack to his swollen flesh. The boy thought about ancient methods for bruises and wondered if they really worked like they're said to of.

Gojyo sat at his couch, getting tired. Hakkai was still at work and probably wouldn't be home for a while. He yawned and got up, going to his bedroom for a nap.

Looking out his window, Goku wondered about life. He often did. He hardly had anyone or anything to talk to. The apartments didn't allow dogs and Sanzo was allergic to cats.

So, he looked to his little black book. He picked it up and leafed through it, rereading it and revising it until he fell asleep with the book open on his chest.

Gojyo got into his bed, pulling the covers over himself. Goku was always on his mind, and it was only making him lonely to think about him, so sleep seemed to be his only escape.

Near two in the morning, Goku was shook awake. He looked around wildly, trying to find something he recognized.

"Goku! Goku, relax! It was just a dream!"

Goku heard the words but couldn't place the voice.

"...Sanzo!?"

Sanzo put his hand on Goku's hysterically beating heart. "I'm right here, Goku. Calm down. Deep breaths."

Goku obeyed, trying to steady his breathing. He held onto his pillow tightly, frightened. The dream was so vivid. So clear. So... real. Now, Goku just wanted to feel Gojyo hug him close and tell him that he'd be okay. But Sanzo wasn't one for affection. He never was. So Goku didn't expect it.

Gojyo fell fast asleep shortly after deciding to see Goku the next day.

Goku lay awake all night, clutching his pillow close. Like a child frightened of the thunderstorm, he had been granted permission to sleep in the bed with Sanzo. Sanzo was asleep. He rarely had trouble sleeping, and he often spent the whole day asleep.

Goku felt sick. He thought he might vomit. So he decided that tomorrow, he'd stay home. School and bullies weren't worth it tomorrow.

The next morning, Gojyo got up at about 9:30 and wandered into the kitchen, searching the fridge for leftovers. He took out a plate of chicken, sitting at the couch and watching T.V as he ate it cold.

Goku awoke to an empty bed, the warmth long gone. He shivered, still terrified. He didn't want these dreams. Where did they come from? Why did he get them? It's not like Goku thought about these things. Why would he? They were scary. Gruesome. Morbid.

Goku buried his face in the pillow, sobbing in fear.

After finishing his 'breakfast', Gojyo grabbed his phone, dialing Hakkai's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Hakkai. Do you think you could talk to Goku's teacher about using his idea for their play or giving him a part?"

"Well, I could try. I'm not sure it would do any good, though. I don't think Goku's at school today, anyways."

"He isn't?" Gojyo frowned, wondering if Goku was sick. "Well, I'll see you when you get home, then."

"Alright."

Gojyo walked into his bedroom to get dressed, deciding to see if Goku was at home.

Goku never moved from his spot on the bed. He hardly dared to blink. When he did, the entire nightmare wheeled past in a flash. Goku desperately wished he had someone near, to help keep him safe. He was too scared to move. He wanted Sanzo near. He wanted Hakkai near. Most of all, he wanted Gojyo. Goku felt entirely safe in the man's arms, with the beating heart that lulled him into peaceful sleep.

Gojyo grabbed his car keys and quickly left the apartment. He wasn't sure why, but he felt that something was wrong. He hurried to his car and drove off to Goku's house.

At times like this, Goku wished he had even a stuffed animal. The aspect of something else with a face he could talk to was always welcome. Not this empty home of nothing. [Paradox anyone??]

He knew that missing school today was a bad idea, as he had no-one to excuse it for at least another two days. But how could he concentrate on his learning while he couldn't even blink?

Gojyo pulled up to the house, getting out of his car. _I hope this is the right place... _He thought, walking to the door and knocking on it.

Goku would have screamed if his voice was in full use. He threw himself under the covers, shivering. What could he do now? He didn't believe in being a violent person. He could never raise a fist to another human being. So... would he just die?

Gojyo waited for a while and then knocked again, calling, "Goku? You there?"

Goku's head shot up. He recognized that voice. Quickly, he flung the sheets back then raced down the stairs. He threw the door open and leaped onto Gojyo, his arms around the man's neck. He wept and trembled, terrified yet relieved. He wouldn't be alone. He was going to be safe.

Gojyo blinked, startled. "Goku, what's wrong?" He asked softly, rubbing Goku's back. "Why are you crying?"

"...s-safe..." Goku said, breaking the constant weeping. "...safe with you..." He finalized, hugging Gojyo tighter. He needed something to hold. He was going to go insane if he let the nightmares capture him one more time.

"Yes, you're safe." Gojyo wrapped his arms around Goku. "I'll protect you, Goku." He said softly, kissing the top of Goku's head.

Just the words Goku had wanted to hear. He buried his head in the nook of the man's neck, whimpering. He realized that he had leapt onto Gojyo, his arms around the man's neck, his legs locked around his waist. He felt like a foolish child. But who cares. He was safe now, and nothing would ever hurt him.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Gojyo asked gently, stroking Goku's back with one hand.

Goku lifted his head, his eyes looking more bruised than ever. He looked into the house, pointing to the white board. He knew full well he wasn't about to leave Gojyo's arms.

Gojyo walked inside, closing the door behind him. He walked to the white board, picking it and the marker up for Goku. "Where to?" He asked, looking about the house.

Goku pointed up the stairs. He didn't want his room. No, no. That's where all his demons were. They hid under his bed. In the closet. Beneath the shadows. Sanzo's room was safe. It was secure. It was clean and quiet.

Gojyo obeyed, walking up the stairs and waiting for further direction.

Goku pointed to the left, to the room at the end of the hall. The room with the door wide open.

Gojyo walked into the room and looked around, wondering whose room they were in.

Goku was cuddling close to the man, not ready to leave his arms. He wanted to stay there forever. He nuzzled up the man's neck with his nose, still trembling in fear.

Gojyo kissed Goku's forehead, hugging him tightly. "It's okay, Goku. I'm here for you." He said softly, sitting on the bed.

The boy snuggled against the man's chest, feeling the steady heartbeat against his swollen cheek. His heart began to beat at the same constant pace, and Goku began to write down his nightmare...

Gojyo stroked Goku's back softly, waiting for him to finish writing.

Goku was shaking terribly by the time he finished. The boy presented the white board to Gojyo then dived under the covers once more.

"_I dreamt of a beautiful young woman. She was radiant, and I felt as though I had known her long ago. She was holding an infant to her chest, gazing at the child. But she raised her eyes and she seemed to be looking right at me. I was drawn to her, but as I neared, I realized that she wasn't as she appeared to be. She was a desiccated corpse, and the baby in her arms was purple and bloated, dying of plague. But as mother and child crumbled to dust, I awoke to Sanzo shaking me._"

Gojyo read Goku's writings, understanding why Goku was so frightened. "I'm sorry, Goku." He said softly. "Dreams can be scary, but they aren't real. It's over now."

Goku's hand snaked out from under the covers, seeking the board and marker. Once found, they disappeared under the covers with Goku's hand.

A minute or two later, Goku put the board on the man's thigh, the marker and his hand vanishing under the covers again.

"_You can't understand. It was real. I could smell them. I could hear them. Touch them. I knew her. I knew her somehow._"

"I know I don't understand. I'm trying to." Gojyo said with a sigh.

He didn't make a response. The young man curled into a tight ball under the sheets, protecting himself from the demons in his mind.

Gojyo rubbed Goku's back gently. "I know it's scary, Goku. I can't imagine how scared you must be right now. How can I help you feel better? Do you want to go for a walk to get your mind off it?"

Goku shook his head rapidly. "No. No outside. Safe here. Stay here." He breathed quickly, like he couldn't waste any precious air. He peeked out at Gojyo, making grabby motions with his hands.

Gojyo crawled over to Goku, slipping under the sheets with him and wrapping his arms around the younger boy. "It'll be alright, Goku." He said softly.

Snuggling, he kept himself warm in the man's arms. He looked up at Gojyo, wanting to believe that everything would be fine. Goku sighed blissfully, closing his eyes and finally saw black.

Gojyo kissed Goku's forehead lightly, keeping his arms protectively around Goku, as if to keep the nightmares away.

Goku pulled Gojyo close by the collar of his shirt, inhaling his scent so deeply he could almost taste it.

Gojyo scooted closer to Goku, nuzzling his nose into the younger man's.

Holding up a finger, Goku got off the bed and disappeared down the hall.

Minutes later, Goku came back with a few CDs in his hand. He offered them to Gojyo, saying, "Pick."

Of the CDs, there was In Absentia, Wish You Were Here, Conversations, and Tightly Unwound.

Gojyo thought for a moment, looking at the different CDs and then pointed to Wish You Were Here.

Turning to his CD player, Goku admired the fine condition the album was in, then set up the CD. He hit Play then turned it up to volume 21. Satisfied, he went back to Gojyo, leaping onto the bed.

Gojyo smiled at Goku, listening to the music.

Shyly, Goku laid his head on Gojyo's lap, listening to the first track. This album usually made him sad. It did have a terribly sad meaning behind it. But now, Goku couldn't be happier.

Gojyo ran his fingers through Goku's hair. He listened to the song, silently watching Goku with a slight smile.

Goku picked up his whiteboard and started writing, albeit sideways and scratchy.

"_Have you ever listened to this before_?"

Gojyo shook his head. "Never heard it before. It's good, though."

"_Can you guess what it's about?_"

Gojyo thought for a moment and then shook his head.

Goku listened to the song a little longer, then wrote.

"_There was a man in this band, Pink Floyd, but he left. He went crazy. The song, 'Shine on You Crazy Diamond' is especially dedicated to him. His name is Syd Barrett. The album is a tribute to him._"

Gojyo blinked in surprise. "I wouldn't have guessed that..."

"_I guess you have to know their history."_

Goku snuggled closer, then yawned. "_Pink Floyd was amazing. Once Syd left, most of their albums, whilst they were still together, were secretly dedicated to him_."

"Interesting," Gojyo commented, listening to the music that now had a clearer meaning.

Goku huffed. He doubted Gojyo was interested. After all, it was only music to most people.

Gojyo frowned slightly at Goku's reaction, but said nothing.

When Goku saw Gojyo's frown, he sat up. He turned his head away, trying to get absorbed in the music so he only felt what the singer was feeling. His own emotions were so tiresome.

Gojyo looked at Goku, staying silent for fear of making things worse.

A shaky sigh came from Goku. He knew he was mussing things up. But he was stubborn, and didn't want to confront Gojyo. He pulled his legs in close, wrapping his arms around them.

"...sorry..."

"Don't worry about it." Gojyo said softly, wrapping an arm around Goku's shoulders and kissing his cheek.

Goku's shamed gaze traveled to the wall. He couldn't look at the man behind him. After moments of staring at the wall, he covered his face in his arms. Little whimpers came from the spaces in his arms, and his shoulders trembled.

"...really sorry."

"It's okay, Goku." Gojyo kissed Goku again. "I'm not mad and I'm not hurt." He told the boy, feeling guilty.

His golden eyes peeked out from the nook in his arms. "...really?" When Sanzo told him that, he usually was, but didn't want Goku to be upset.

"Yes, really." Gojyo smiled slightly, hugging Goku with both arms.

The two were together on the bed, Goku tense from too much intimacy too soon. He looked around, until his eyes fell on the analog clock. His eyes widened in alarm. "Sanzo home soon!" He hopped from the bed, motioning quickly for Gojyo to follow him. He didn't want Sanzo to discover he'd been alone in his room with some man. Traveling down the hall, Goku pushed Gojyo into his room and closed the door. He then ran down the stairs, flopping onto the couch just as Sanzo opened the door.

"Goku? Aren't you s'posed to be at school?" Sanzo asked as he stepped over to the young man. "Stayed home?"

Goku nodded. He stood, giving Sanzo a hug.

Sanzo patted Goku's head as a way of nicely telling him, "Let go of me."

Goku got the message and released him. "Friend over."

Sanzo blinked in surprise. "A friend? Is it Hakkai?"

Goku shook his head. "Gojyo."

Sanzo frowned. For some reason, he didn't like that guy. "Well, I don't want to meet him. Keep him away from me."

The young man nodded then bounded up the stairs and disappeared down the hall and back into his room.

"You're not in any trouble, I hope?" Gojyo said to Goku with a slight smile.

Goku shook his head. "Mm-mm."

He ventured to his CD player, turning down the stereo to an appropriate level. He fished through his many, many CDs, finding one he thought Gojyo may like. He hopped onto the bed and showed the album Fasciinatiion to Gojyo.

"Like?"

"I've never listened to it before." Gojyo replied, looking at the cover. "But I'd like to."

Goku nodded, going to the CD player and opening the top. 3 CDs were already in there, and Goku placed Fasciinatiion on the 5 CD spot. He closed the top, then hit the play button for CD 5. He turned the volume up to 33, then tossed the CD remote onto the bed.

Gojyo layed back on the bed, listening to the new CD.

Goku closed his eyes, listening to the lyrics. The beat was catchy, but not his favourite. The hook wasn't good enough. The hook in track 5, though, was cool.

"_Tabloid magazines are made in hell_

_The falling stars are getting sucked down_

_We get seduced easy_

_We get seduced_

_Sell us magazines about the stars_

_And watch us stare into the void_

_What not to wear to the awards_

_Who's tit escaped on camera_

_Now these creeps are climbing up the trees_

_The neighbors calling the police_

_They're snapping pictures by the pool_

_We get seduced so easy_"

Gojyo relaxed and closed his eyes, absorbing the lyrics.

Looking to Gojyo, Goku nearly smiled. He watched him for a moment before looking away again.

"_Checkout clerks all thumbing toward the page_

_An A-list starlet shaves her brains_

_While starving millionaires complain_

_-T.V. makes the ass fat_

_Tell us, how rad is it living in a microscope?_

_Broadcast into every single living room?_

_Hot lights on your love life_

_Let me buy close up tabloid shots of your cellulite_

_Hypnotizing pages of advice_

_From their demented fashion do's or dies_

_Who put this hook inside my mouth? You?_

_You're getting so obsessed it's all we talk about_

_We're gossip hounds on the couch._"

Gojyo opened his eyes, beginning to get tired and not wanting to fall asleep.

As the song went to the next track, Goku tapped his foot, enjoying the music. Feeling silly, Goku hopped to his feet, then faced Gojyo and sang along to the song.

"_Eyeballs float in wet green grass_

_I got a chain saw motor _

_That's filled with rain. _

_But when it sings like Bach_

_The eyeballs bulge_

_Then when the pink sun drops_

_The eyelids fold_

_While I'm in deep REM sleep_

_Or twilight zones_

_I take a freight elevator_

_And press fast forward_

_I get to grind these teeth _

_And peek through time_

_If I could bring things back_

_They'd feedback wild_

_When I saw the future - the geeks were right_"

Gojyo sat up, watching Goku with a chuckle. "You're so cute."

Goku giggled, dancing to the beat. "_Egghead boys _

_With thin white legs_

_They got modified features_

_And software brains_

_But that's what the girls like_

_The geeks were right_

_Predator skills_

_Chemical wars_

_Plastic islands at sea_

_Watch what the humans ruin _

_With machines_

_Eyeballs float in wet green grass_

_I'm in a chainsaw choir_

_In dreams that bend _

_To let me cut through time_

_And stretch out Bach_

_I make the dry eyes roll_

_And wet eyes cross_

_While I'm in deep REM sleep_

_Or twilight zones_

_I take a freight elevator_

_And press fast forward_

_So I can grind these teeth _

_And peek thru time_

_If I could bring things back_

_They'd feedback wild_

_And when I saw the future - the geeks were right_"

Gojyo grinned, amused.

Goku turned, turning the bass up while the song went to track 3.

"_There's no ghost in this machine _

_I make my own mistakes_

_We seem like skeletons with bone head beliefs_

_History's been crucified_

_Humans supernaturalized_

_We hope we're not alone_

_Exploded stars and space debris _

_Taught itself to make some things like us_

_Was that all?_

_What was there before the bang?_

_How did nothing come to end at once?_

_Let's ask the atheists, the astronauts,_

_The mystics of the Amazon,_

_The priests, the cults, the witches, the pope, _

_The crystal ball, the fear of god, _

_The tarot cards, the dowsing rod_

_Theologians, alchemists, black magicians, physicists say, know, say, 'we don't know'_"

[Keep in mind, Goku's acting along too.]

Gojyo was unable to keep his eyes off Goku. He smiled, entertained.

Noticing that Gojyo seemed to be at least amused, Goku keep dancing and singing along.

"_Cults arise from ego_

_Sick with poltergeists and demons_

_Tune your TV to the snow_

_Watch the first thing ever known - it's always on_

_When nothing's over what was there?_

_How did nothing come to end at once?_

_Let's ask the atheists_

_Let's ask the astronauts_

_Let's ask the priests, the cults, the witches, the pope, _

_Dice, the monks, shamen, the nuns,_

_Buddha, the holy ghost, Satanists, the philosophes,_

_Meditators, pyramids, mathematicians, acid heads,_

_Theologians, alchemists, black magicians, physicists say, know, say 'we don't know'_

_Cults arise from egos_

_Sick with poltergeists and demons_"

Gojyo had never heard Goku speak so much. He seemed much more comfortable singing than he did talking.

Goku giggled, hopping onto the bed beside the older man. He settled into the blanket like a bird in its nest, his legs folded under him.

Gojyo grinned, mussing Goku's hair. "Kawaiizaru." He teased.

Goku huffed happily, turning his head away while one of the more sad songs started.

"_...he'd get to t-minus zero_

_Before he'd jump_

_And I was shot high in a vertical catapult_

_Straight up and down _

_I remember the view from overtop of the house_

_-gravity seems weak until you look down_"


	3. Missing Memories

Hello readers.

Wow, I'm really sorry for not updating. My computer just got a new hard drive, and everything from the other one is, well, gone. So, a lot of the story went bye-bye.

So, what I remember is that Gojyo and Goku ate some pizza, Goku went to shower, Gojyo talked with Sanzo and Sanzo pulled all that "you don't really love him" shit and Gojyo was all "GRHM!" and left. Goku came back after the shower and suffered some abandonment issues.

After that, I don't really remember. So, let's all assume Goku got a few more beatings and his ribs are cracked. Also, Gojyo and Goku are a little more comfortable with intimacy. Or rather, Goku's more comfortable.

OH! And Sanzo agreed Goku could get a dog.

[Sorry for the mistakes, and for the wait.]

* * *

Travelling to town, Goku looked about for a pet store or a pound. The air was growing heavy with evening air and dark shadows. Nervous, Goku held his head up, not letting paranoia catch him. But the impending shadows that stalked him got the best of him and he stopped. He looked back to see three men, all large and very strong-looking. Goku felt his heartbeat race and not in the way that Gojyo made it race.

"Hey, boy. What's a cute kid like you doin' around here?"

Terrified out of his wits, Goku couldn't even make a noise. These men were bullies, but they were on a whole new level.

"How 'bout you give us everything you have on you, and we leave ya be?"

Goku thought of the dog he was going to get. If he didn't get the dog today, it might die. They might put it to sleep. "...d-dog," he said, softer than he had ever spoken, his voice trembling along with his body.

"A dog? You sayin' something about some mutt?"

Goku stopped trembling. His hands clenched into fists.

"Well, boy?" Another asked, closing in. "Speak, you little mutt."

His shoulder had a twitch. His head was down.

"Answer me!"

He lifted his head. He regarded him with an insane grin.

Driving about town in search of Goku, Gojyo sighed. The boy hadn't answered his phone, and he wanted to apologize for just leaving the other day. On 12th street, he spotted two men on the sidewalk, unmoving. Then he saw a young man pulling the body of a fairly big man out to beneath the streetlamp. The large man was being pulled by his broken arm, and he was screaming. Pulling over, Gojyo got out and said, "Hey! What're you doing?!"

The assailant looked up. Mad, shining, golden eyes looked at Gojyo. He was grinning.

"...Goku...?" Gojyo couldn't believe his eyes.

Dropping the man, the boy turned and disappeared back down the alleyway.

"Y-You know that _monster_?" One of the men asked, reduced to a snivelling mess of blood and tears.

"I... thought I did," Gojyo answered, running after the boy. He stepped over the dead man.

Horrified, frozen, Goku ran through the streets. He saw blood. He'd felt blood. It was... him. He'd killed that man. That simple four-lettered word had made him go so... raw, and crazy. He heard Gojyo behind him, calling his name, pleading for him to stop so they could talk. Goku couldn't belieev how horrible his evening had gone. Sanzo had left for somewhere, Goku was about to be mugged--or worse--and he had killed someone! He just wanted to get a dog.

"Goku, please! Just stop!" Gojyo felt his chest tightening. Smokers' lung. He had to keep running though. If Goku got away, who knows what might happen?

With a slip of the mind--and foot-- Goku fell down, scraping his chin on the ground. He didn't want to get up again. That blank spot in his memory, where the man had said that word, was a familiar blank spot. He had a few. And he knew what had caused those empty slots... or rather, who.

Gojyo slowed, seeing Goku had stopped. He knelt by the boy, asking, "Goku, what happened? That... that can't have been you."

On the ground, whimpering, Goku shook his head. "....Him. It was Him."

"Him?" Gojyo blinked, confused. "Who's he?"

"He's Him. He not good." Goku sat up, frustrated and scared. "Just wanted dog." He buried his head in his hands and wept.

"We can still get a dog. C'mon," Gojyo scooped up the boy in his arms and carried him back to the car.

The men gasped in horror when they saw Goku.

"Don't let him near us!"

"Those eyes...! Those awful eyes!"

Goku shut down, feeling empty again. He was put in the passenger's seat and buckled in. Gojyo got in on the other side. "Anywhere specific?"

"...pound."

* * *

Once at the pound, Goku looked about a dog that was about to be put down. He stopped at a nine-year old Shiba Inu mix. The dog had a brown eye and a blue eye with a floppy ear. Standing, her tail was curled and wagged weakly. Her feet were feathered. Goku fell in love instantly.

"So what will you name her?"

Goku examined the dog lying on his lap. "Ice Cream."

Gojyo chuckled. "Alright. But she needs a bath."

* * *

Ice Cream whined and shuffled her feet as if to tell him to hurry up with the bath, her pads were getting all wrinkly.  
Goku squeezed the shampoo along her spine then rubbed it into the creamy-blonde fur. He loved how soft it felt under his fingers. "Dirty, dirty dog."  
Ice Cream seemed to grin again.  
Gojyo smiled, watching the two with amusement. _What made Goku suddenly decide to get a dog? _He wondered curiously.  
Ice Cream whished her tail, the movement considerably slower when underwater. Water splashed out and around the rim of the tub.  
Goku, unable to get upset at the dog when she looked so happy, just huffed. "Silly dog." He worked the shampoo in, then carefully cleaned her face, making sure to miss around the eyes.  
Gojyo sat beside the wall, watching Goku with a smile. He loved seeing Goku looking so happy.  
"Sparkles." Goku said, sitting back. The dog hopped from the tub, sopping wet and still covered in dirty suds, shook to and fro until she had covered both Gojyo and Goku in the aftermath.  
Goku blinked, stunned. He then looked at Gojyo.  
Ice Cream grinned then laughed in her unique way and ran from the room.  
Gojyo was stunned as well. He then started laughing and said, "She did that on purpose."  
Goku blinked--once, twice-- then burst out laughing. He laughed until he had to hold his ribs in pain. Even then, he kept laughing. "L-Look so funny!" He cried, meaning the suds on Gojyo, and the bubbles hanging from the ends of the two unique strands of red hair.  
Gojyo's hand reached up and wiped the suds off. "You getting a good laugh?"  
Goku was glad Gojyo was around for his first laugh. When he was done, his cheeks were hurting from the large grin that had been plastered on his face. He worked his fingers against his cheeks, saying a quiet 'sorry' while giggling to himself.  
Gojyo couldn't help but grin, happy to see Goku smiling. "You're so cute." He said with a laugh.

Goku turned pink and turned his eyes away, working the smile off his face. "..thanks." He mumbled, embarrassed.  
Ice Cream came back in, trotting with her head and tail held high. She had a towel in her mouth, and dropped it on Goku's head.  
Goku giggled, looking to Gojyo. "Help?" He asked, a tiny smile finding its way on his face again.  
Gojyo took the towel from Goku's head, chuckling. "You sure she'll let me touch her?"

Goku nodded. He held Ice Cream's head in his hands and looked directly at her. "No bite."  
Ice Cream looked back at him, then licked his nose.  
Pleased, Goku rewarded her with a scratch behind the ear. "Good girl."  
Gojyo narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the dog and then slowly and cautiously put the towel on her back. He carefully put his hands on her, beginning to dry her off.  
The dog wagged her tail back and forth as Goku said soft little words to her, petting her cheeks and her ears. Her tail wagged harder, thwapping against Gojyo.  
Gojyo frowned, knowing that the dog was doing it on purpose. He dried faster, wanting to get out of his wet clothes.  
The dog wagged faster as well, thwapping her curly tail against Gojyo's leg.  
Goku noticed, then saw the frown. "Bad." He told Ice Cream and she mewled, her tail slowing and drooping. "No hit."  
"That dog has a thick tail." Gojyo commented, beginning to dry Ice Cream's belly and chest.  
Ice Cream snorted at Gojyo, then she yawned.  
"Tired?" Goku asked. The dog lowered her head in reply. Her tail drooped more, the end dripping water on the floor. "Sleep soon, ''kay?"  
Ice Cream whimpered, and put her head on Goku's chest.  
Gojyo finished the dog's belly and then her neck, deciding that it was as dry as she was going to get. "Does she need a blanket or something to sleep on?"  
Ice Cream shook again, this time to even out her relatively short fur.  
"Pillow or couch." Goku shrugged. Slyly, Goku pointed to himself and said, "Bed."  
Ice Cream huffed at Goku. She didn't want just some old pillow. If he got a bed, she got a goddamn couch.  
"You sleepy?" Gojyo asked, lightly kissing Goku's cheek.  
"Hm-mm." Goku answered, turning his face away but keeping his eyes on Gojyo.  
Ice Cream rolled her eyes and left the room. She hopped onto the couch, dug at the seats for a few moments, then settled down and fell asleep.  
Gojyo lightly bit onto Goku's ear, purring. "You sure?"  
Goku felt his skin crawl. "U-Uh-huh..." He managed, his fingers grabbing onto Gojyo's shirt so he didn't fall over.  
Gojyo snaked an arm around Goku's waist, pulling him closer as he sucked lightly on the younger boy's earlobe.  
Goku's tongue went past his lips, going in and out as he panted. His fingers fisted handfuls of Gojyo's shirt, pulling himself closer to the man.  
Gojyo kissed the side of Goku's neck, his fingertips running down his chest.  
Shivering, Goku lifted his head higher, revealing his neck for Gojyo. The wet shirt clung to his skin and Goku figured even his goose bumps were visible underneath.  
Gojyo kissed tenderly, his hand slipping under Goku's shirt and running up to his chest.  
Goku nearly bit at Gojyo instinctively. But then he told himself that he had to take the next step with Gojyo, and he relaxed--mentally, at least--physically, his body remained tense. The young man hoped that Gojyo couldn't tell he was still very underweight. He tried opening his eyes, but it was hard to do when his neck was being touched so sweetly in such a sensitive spot.  
Gojyo slid his hand out of Goku's shirt and put it on the boy's cheek, turning his head so that he faced him. He then kissed Goku tenderly on the lips.  
Goku melted right then and there. His head fell away, his chin on his chest. When he lifted his head again, he asked, "Why so good?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"With the..." Goku leaned in, pulling Gojyo into another kiss. When he himself had finished, he pulled back. "...the that."  
Gojyo shrugged. "Well... I guess I've had practice." He answered with a shrug.  
"Stud in school?" Goku asked, tilting his head.  
Gojyo chuckled embarrassedly. "I guess you could say that."  
Goku felt like he wasn't hearing the whole story, but dismissed it. He stood up and trotted out and around the corner. He disappeared into Gojyo's room without a word.  
Gojyo blinked, wondering what Goku was doing. He got up, following after him.  
Goku was snuggled in the bed by himself, his wet clothing in a pile to the side. Goku said nothing, and didn't acknowledge Gojyo's presence. He wanted to see what Gojyo would do.  
Gojyo blinked in surprise, seeing Goku in his bed. A smirk crossed his face and he walked to the bed, crawling onto it and pressing his lips to Goku's.  
Goku had seen the smirk and a thought ran by his mind. He giggled to himself, then when Gojyo came in the bed with him, he pressed his naked body on Gojyo's wet clothes. He shivered at how quickly the water could turn cold. He craned his head up, his hands on Gojyo's chest.  
"Mmm..." Gojyo purred, licking Goku's lips. "Are my clothes making you cold?"  
Goku nodded fervently, pressing closer against Gojyo to find some sort of body warmth under the cold clothes.  
Gojyo chuckled, peeling off his wet shirt and tossing it on the floor. "Is that a little better?"  
Goku pressed against Gojyo's chest, feeling some warmth seep into his goose-bump freckled skin. He nuzzled close, his legs pulled in to his chest.  
Gojyo took off his pants next, throwing it into the pile of clothes. "And now?

Goku huffed at Gojyo. "S-Silly," he stuttered through clattering teeth. He pulled the covers up and over his shoulders, hiding underneath.  
Gojyo chuckled, taking his last article of clothing off and throwing it on the floor as well. He crawled further under the covers, beginning to get cold also.  
Goku curled up against Gojyo, wondering if Hakkai was still home. If he was, what would he do if he saw them? ...or heard them?  
Gojyo smiled, kissing Goku lightly on the lips while his arm wrapped around him and held him close.  
Goku was startled to feel something so raw as skin on his. He tried to kiss back but was paralyzed by something _else_...  
Gojyo continued to kiss Goku, trying to refrain from laughing. He knew that Goku was startled by what his teenage hormones were doing to him and was amused by his reaction.  
Goku couldn't think straight. In the marsh of his mind, foggy questions and wonders passed by like fish in the muddy water. He didn't know what to do now, and felt his face set on fire. He knew how pink he must look, and turned even darker at the thought.  
Gojyo smiled and stopped kissing, asking, "Are you okay?"  
Goku put his hands on his face, trying to conceal his red cheeks that bled heat. "Mmhm." He answered quickly, looking away.  
"Aw... Don't be embarrassed." Gojyo leaned over Goku, lightly kissing the boy's forehead.  
Goku whimpered. He was embarrassed with his gaunt body, and how his body reacted. Now, he realized that he probably did the same thing each time. But maybe not. Maybe the sensation of skin is what got him to do this.  
"It's only me." Gojyo said softly, lightly stroking Goku's cheek. "You don't need to be embarrassed."  
Goku didn't want to raise his head, but he found he did anyway. Goku watched a murky wonder go by, seeing it as wondering if Gojyo used that soft tone to others he may have 'been with'. His golden eyes gazed up at Gojyo, searching for some kind of mockery.  
"You still wanna do this?" Gojyo asked, brushing the hair from Goku's eyes.  
Goku gulped back his fears and nodded quickly. He didn't want to have any regrets.  
"It's probably going to hurt at first." Gojyo warned. "And we'll have to be quiet because if Hakkai hears us, I'm dead."  
"?" Goku tilted his head.  
"He probably wouldn't approve." Gojyo said with a frown.  
"??" Goku tilted his head the other way.  
"He'd think I'm too old for you and that I'm dirtying your youthful innocence." Gojyo sighed.  
Goku pointed to himself. "Eighteen. Old enough." He protested.  
"I know, but you're still in high school."  
Goku huffed. He said something to himself then looked back to Gojyo. "Dangerous?"  
"Could be." Gojyo replied with a grin. "We just gotta be quiet."  
Goku nodded. He put an index finger on his lips. "Quiet." He whispered, confirming the command.

[Skipping all that]

Gojyo panted, laying beside Goku. "That was... Incredible." He said with a laugh.

Goku lay on his stomach, his chest heaving. His tongue lay outside his mouth, some saliva running off of it. All of the energy he had used made his saliva gummy and hard to swallow. Hearing Gojyo, he lifted his head, surprised. "Really...?"

Gojyo grinned and nodded. "Absolutely." He cuddled close to Goku, asking, "Any comments? Questions?"

"How?" Goku asked, looking up at Gojyo. "How it fit??"

Gojyo laughed, grinning widely. "I'm not quite sure how to answer that." Goku pouted. "My question. Answer." He said, laying on his back like a cat wanting a belly rub.

Gojyo laughed. "Well, let's just say you're stretchable." He said with a grin.

**Goku's eyes widened. He cuddled closer, then realized the time. "Sanzo!" He exclaimed softly. He'd already missed a call from him. If he missed another, Sanzo would get worried and come home early. **

Gojyo sat up with a surprised blink. "Is everything alright?"

"Sanzo home maybe." He said, hurriedly getting his clothes on. "Go home fast."  
Ice Cream whined and scratched at the door, almost as if she were reminding him.

"Do you need a ride home?" Gojyo got out of bed, grabbing his clothes and getting dressed as well.

"Uh, yeah." Goku said rather distractedly, looking about. He found his shoes, then put them on. His socks were warm and dry, but the rest of it was a wrinkly and cold burden. Goku whined in his head, then opened the door. Ice Cream was practically gleaming now that she was clean. She wagged her tail and pulled Goku to the front door.

Gojyo finished dressing himself and followed after Goku, grabbing his car keys before going opening the door for the two.

Goku ran out to the car, getting in. Ice Cream lept in with him, sitting in his lap. She was small enough to be considered a lap dog, but she had shedding hair, and Goku sneezed on it.

Gojyo got into the car, starting the engine and quickly driving off to Goku's house.

Goku was startled at the speed and how Ice Cream seemed to love it. When they pulled up, Goku opened the door and ran to the front door. "Thanks!" He called to Gojyo as he and Ice Cream hurried in. "Later!" He said, smiling and waving.


End file.
